Starting my Aurora Journey – Lost in the Woods

In searching for an image for this post I realised that the above picture represents something about how I have often felt about my career journey. I’m in my role, without much of an idea about how I proceed. There’s no path, lots of obstructions in my way and I can’t see the wood for the trees.

I was in my previous role for a long time and I was very settled in it. When I moved into my current team, the feeling of instability – not knowing what I was doing, new people and systems to navigate – really rattled me. I was doubting myself and my abilities. Talking about this with friends and family I discovered that the phase of not knowing what you’re doing was really normal for a new role. I’d been so settled for over a decade, that this uncertainty was deeply uncomfortable. It really made me appreciate feeling established in a role.

I learned other things about myself during that time. One of which was I realised that having “sight” of a team, what they do, who they are, and their values, was really important to me in terms of making the leap away from the “safety” of my existing team. I wanted to understand what I was getting myself in for, before committing.

This new job also brought a clear progression through the organisational structure. In my early days in the team, several people told me that they could see me in the more senior role of Systems Lead but I didn’t feel ready. As I reflect on it now, I can see two reasons for this: not having settled in my new role fully, and also not having the “sight” of what that Systems Lead role required. It was only when I had stability in where I was, AND a better understanding of where I was going, did I feel like I could take that step. I realise now that these two factors are important for me to progress.

Last year I interviewed for a Systems Lead role but that uncertainty was still there. I was incredibly nervous for various reasons and whilst I was appointable, I didn’t get the role. Coming out of the other side was tough as well. I felt like I’d let others down who believed in my abilities, that I wasn’t good enough to do the more strategic activity that the role required.

I applied for Aurora before I applied for the promotion, but I find myself in a similar place – Uncertain if this is what I want for myself, uncertain if I can do a more senior job justice and uncertain how to get there anyway. As I now know, I need stable ground to jump off from, and a clear sight of where I’m aiming for, before I feel able to move.

In that forest of tall trees and uneven ground I’m hoping that Aurora can light my way.